A new roommate can become a friend, a polite stranger or a daily annoyance. A lot of it depends on the first few weeks. Here’s how to start well.
Welcome them on day one
Say hello, show them where things are and offer a cup of tea. Moving is stressful, and a friendly face makes it easier.
Share a meal early
Making too much pasta and offering some is the oldest trick there is, because it works. Eating together is how strangers become roommates.
Sort the boring stuff early
Trash, cleaning, bills and the shared shopping. Agreeing on them in the first week, while you’re both being friendly, prevents arguments later.
Agree on guests early
Partners staying over, friends on the sofa, parties on a work night. A quick, relaxed chat about guests in week one saves a tense one in month three.
Respect their space
Knock, ask before you borrow and keep the noise down when they’re asleep. Some roommates want a friend, others want a quiet home, and both are fine.
Talk about problems kindly, and soon
Small annoyances grow if you leave them. “Hey, could we sort out the dishes? It’s starting to pile up” is much easier in week one than week ten. How to Ask a Neighbor to Keep the Noise Down has more on raising it kindly.
Invite them into your life
If they’re new to the city, bring them along to the pub quiz or a friend’s party. It’s one of the kindest things you can do. How to Make Friends in a New City has more for them.
Do one thing together each week
A Sunday meal, a weekly show, a walk to the market. A small ritual keeps you friends, not just two people sharing a fridge.
If you’re very different
Different hours, ages or habits don’t have to be a problem. You don’t need to be best friends. Friendly, fair and honest is plenty for a good home.
Lines to borrow
- Day one: “Welcome! The kettle’s on, and the bathroom tap needs a firm hand.”
- Sharing a meal: “I’ve made far too much curry. Want some?”
- The boring stuff: “Shall we sort out a chore chart now, before we’re both too polite to mention it?”
- Raising a problem: “Could we keep the music down after eleven on weeknights? I’m up early for work.”
- Inviting them in: “My friends have a quiz team on Thursdays, and we always need someone who knows geography. Fancy it?”
Practice it
The New Roommate is free to play: a box of shoes labeled kitchen, a judgemental cat and a pasta dinner. The Noise Complaint practices raising a problem with a neighbor, politely.