Plenty of men find that friends drift away after school, college or a move, and that making new ones feels oddly awkward. It doesn’t need to be. Here’s what tends to work.
Start with something to do
A five-a-side team, a climbing gym, a running club, a games night. Doing something side by side makes conversation easy, and gives you something to talk about.
Show up every week
Friendships come from seeing the same people again and again. The third or fourth week is when the chat starts to flow.
Suggest the pint, or the plan
“Fancy a pint after the game?” is often all it takes. Most men are glad someone else made the first move.
Join the group chat, and reply
Most teams and clubs have a group chat. Be one of the people who answers, sends the odd photo and says “I’m in” to plans. It keeps you in the loop between meet-ups.
Be the organizer sometimes
Book the pitch, start the monthly poker night, find the pub for the end-of-season drinks. The organizer ends up at the middle of the group, and everyone is grateful someone did it.
Keep in touch between meet-ups
A message about the match, a link to something you talked about, “Same time next week?” Small contact keeps things going.
Use the friends you already have
A friend’s friends, your partner’s friends’ partners, the colleague who also plays guitar. Friendships often start one step away from the ones you have. See How to Get On With Your Partner’s Friends.
Go a bit deeper over time
Once you know each other, it’s fine to talk about more than soccer: work stress, family, how you’re really doing. Good friends make room for that.
If your friendships have slid
A move, a new job or a relationship can quietly thin out a group of friends. Getting back in touch after a long gap feels awkward, but most people are glad to hear from you. Keep it short and suggest something: “It’s been too long. Pint next week?”
Give it months, not weeks
Close friendships take a lot of time together. If it feels slow, that’s normal, not a sign it isn’t working. There’s more in How to Make Friends After 30.
Lines to borrow
- After the game: “Good game. Are you around next week? We’re always short of a goalkeeper.”
- Swapping numbers: “Give me your number and I’ll add you to the group chat.”
- Between meet-ups: “Did you see the match last night? That last-minute goal!”
- Suggesting a plan: “I’m going to the climbing wall on Saturday morning. Want to come and show me how it’s done?”
- Going a bit deeper: “How’s the new job, honestly? You seemed a bit fed up last week.”
Practice it
The Pickup Game practices joining a group of strangers on a basketball court. The Climbing Wall and Board Game Night practice turning a shared hobby into a friendship.