Some people are brilliant in person and hopeless over text. Others just aren’t that interested. Here’s how to tell the difference, and how to make texting easier for both of you.
Don’t take it personally straight away
Plenty of people hate texting. Short replies can mean busy, shy or just not a texter, not “not interested”.
Ask easier questions
“How was your weekend?” is hard work to answer. “Did you end up going to the market on Saturday?” is specific, and easy.
Give them something to play with
Questions with two options are the easiest of all to answer, and they’re more fun: pizza or tacos for the rest of your life, beach or mountains, early bird or night owl. A quick, silly choice often gets a longer reply than a serious question.
Share something first
Tell a quick story or send a photo, then ask. It’s easier to reply to something than to a question out of nowhere.
Match their pace
If they send one line a few hours later, a wall of text straight back can feel like pressure. Keep your messages roughly as long as theirs, and don’t fill every silence.
Check your own messages
Three questions in one text, a long paragraph or a message that ends in “haha” with nothing to answer can all make replying feel like work. Read yours back: is there one easy thing to respond to? There’s more in How to Keep a Text Conversation Going.
Try a different channel
Some dry texters are great on a voice note or a quick call. A short “Easier to say this out loud, call later?” can change everything.
Suggest meeting up
If the energy is there in person, don’t try to fix it over text. Make a plan, and save the chat for when you meet.
Know when to stop
If they never ask anything back, take days to reply and dodge every plan, that’s an answer. Send one easy, friendly last message and move on. If they go quiet altogether, What to Text Someone Who Stopped Replying covers the one message worth sending.
Lines to borrow
- Instead of “How was your day?”: “Best thing that happened today? Mine was finding a fiver in my coat.”
- Sharing first: “Just tried that ramen place you mentioned. Life changing. What should I try next?”
- Switching to a call: “I’m terrible at typing tonight. Fancy a quick call instead?”
- Making a plan: “I think we’re better in person. Drinks on Thursday?”
- The last message: “No worries if texting isn’t your thing. If you fancy that drink some time, you know where I am.”
Practice it
The Match practices a dating app chat that needs a spark. The Quiet Thread practices picking a conversation back up after it went quiet, without pressure.