Speed dating sounds intense, but it is one of the friendliest formats there is. Everyone in the room signed up to meet someone, the clock ends every conversation for you, and nobody expects perfection. Five minutes is not enough to fall in love. It is enough to find out whether you want five more.
Skip the job interview
“What do you do? Where are you from? Any siblings?” Everyone hears those questions ten times a night, and the answers all blur together. Ask something that gets a real answer instead: “What’s the best thing you did this month?” “What’s something you want to learn this year?” Questions about what people enjoy get them talking with energy.
Bring a little of yourself
A good speed date is a swap, not a survey. Share your own answers, tell a short story, and let your sense of humor show. People remember the person who made them laugh or told them something surprising far longer than the person with the most impressive job title.
Listen for the hooks
When someone mentions something they care about, follow it. “You said you’ve been learning to climb. What got you into it?” Following a thread shows you were actually listening, which is rarer at these events than you would think.
Don’t sell, connect
Trying to cram your best qualities into five minutes feels like a pitch. You do not need to prove anything. Aim for the other person to leave the table having enjoyed the conversation. That is what gets you ticked on the card.
End every table warmly
When the bell rings, a simple “This was really fun, thanks” leaves a good last impression, whether or not you plan to tick their name. Everyone in the room is taking a small risk by being there; kindness costs nothing.
Be honest on the card
Tick the people you actually want to see again, not everyone just in case. If you match, the event organizers usually handle the next step, and a simple, friendly first message makes it easy to set up a real date.
Lines to borrow
- Instead of the job question: “What’s the best thing you’ve done this month? Not work. Fun things only.”
- Sharing a little of you: “My worst cooking disaster involved a smoke alarm and a very confused neighbor.”
- Following a hook: “Wait, you’ve just started salsa? How bad was the first class?”
- When the bell rings: “That went too fast. Thanks, I really enjoyed that.”
- The first message after a match: “Hi! It’s the one who wouldn’t stop talking about salsa. Drink next week?”
Practice it
The Speed Dating scenario gives you five minutes with Ines at a crowded wine bar. The Match and The Follow-Up practice the message that comes after.