Most of us want good friends, and most of us could be a little better at being one. The good news is that it’s mostly small, simple habits, repeated.
Show up
For birthdays, moves, bad weeks and good news. Turning up, or at least checking in, matters more than getting it perfect.
Remember the little things
Their sister’s name, the job interview on Tuesday, how they take their coffee. Asking “How did it go?” shows you were listening.
Make the plan sometimes
Don’t always wait to be invited. Being the one who suggests the walk, books the table or starts the group chat plan is a gift, especially to friends who find it hard to ask.
Be honest, kindly
A good friend says the hard thing when it matters, gently and in private: “Can I be honest? I’m a bit worried about you.”
Celebrate their wins
Be genuinely glad when things go well for them, even if your own life is rocky. Easy to say, harder to do, and it means a lot.
Be useful in the hard weeks
“Let me know if you need anything” puts the work on them. Drop off food, walk the dog, sit with them in the waiting room. There’s more in What to Say When a Friend Is Having a Hard Time.
Keep their secrets
What a friend tells you in confidence stays with you, even when it would make a great story. Trust is built in a hundred small silences.
Keep in touch
A message out of nowhere, a meme that made you think of them, a “Fancy a walk on Sunday?” Friendships fade through silence, not arguments.
Say sorry when you get it wrong
Everyone lets friends down sometimes. A quick, honest apology keeps small things small. How to Apologize to a Friend shows how.
Let the friendship change shape
New partners, babies, moves and new jobs change how often you see each other. A good friendship bends instead of breaking: shorter calls, different plans, the same care. See How to Keep Friends as an Adult.
Lines to borrow
- Checking in: “You’ve been quiet in the group lately. All good with you?”
- Celebrating a win: “You got the job? I knew it! Drinks are on me this week.”
- The honest thing, kindly: “I might be wrong, but you don’t seem yourself lately. Want to talk about it?”
- Keeping in touch: “This song came on and I was straight back on that road trip. Miss you! Lunch next week?”
- After you let them down: “I’ve been a terrible friend lately, and I’m sorry. Can I take you for dinner and actually listen this time?”
Practice it
The Late Friend practices telling a friend something has upset you, without a fight. The Reconnect practices getting back in touch after years, and The Group Chat practices being part of a group that actually makes plans. The Bad Day is free to play: a friend’s worst day of the year, by text.