Being likeable doesn’t mean agreeing with everyone or never saying no. People like the people who make them feel at ease. That comes down to a handful of habits, and anyone can pick them up.
Be warm first
Smile when you see people, say hello first and look pleased to see them. Warmth that goes first is the quickest way to be liked, and it costs nothing. How to Make a Good First Impression covers the first minute.
Remember names and details
Use someone’s name, and bring back what they told you last time: the driving test, the sister’s wedding, the new puppy. Remembering says “you matter” without having to say it.
Be curious about people
Ask about them, then listen to the answer instead of waiting for your turn. Most people rarely feel properly listened to, so they notice when it happens. How to Be a Better Listener has the details.
Treat everyone the same
People notice how you treat the waiter, the new starter and the person nobody talks to. Kindness that doesn’t depend on someone’s status is what makes people trust you.
Laugh at yourself
Admitting you got lost, burnt the toast or forgot the word for whisk makes you easy to be around. Being perfect is intimidating. Being human is likeable.
Give real compliments
Make them specific and about choices, not looks: the way someone explained something, the playlist that got you through the drive. How to Give a Compliment That Doesn’t Feel Weird shows how.
Be positive without being fake
Moaning together can feel like bonding, but people come away tired. Share what’s going well, be pleased about other people’s news and save the long complaints for close friends.
Keep your word
Turn up when you said you would, reply when you said you’d reply and do the small things you offered to do. Being reliable is underrated, and very likeable.
Don’t try to please everyone
Saying yes to everything and agreeing with everyone makes you forgettable, and a little exhausting to be around. Honest opinions, said kindly, earn more respect than constant agreement. How to Say No to Plans helps with the guilt.
Let people help you
Asking for a small favor or a recommendation makes people feel useful, and they tend to like you more for it. Ask the colleague who knows the area where to get lunch, or the neighbor who gardens what’s wrong with your basil.
Lines to borrow
- A warm hello: “Morning! How did the driving test go in the end?”
- Laughing at yourself: “Three days in and I still can’t find the elevators.”
- A real compliment: “That was such a clear way to put it. I finally get it.”
- Asking a small favor: “You know this area. Where should I go for lunch?”
- Being pleased for them: “That’s brilliant news. I want to hear everything.”
Practice it
First Day is a Monday morning in a new office kitchen, with one chance to make a warm first impression. The Work Lunch practices being good company at a shared table, when the conversation needs someone to keep it going.